Script (4 - Final Draft) - 03/03/14
Script Update - 24/02/14
NOTE: I use a script-writing program called CELTX so on this blog post it may not look exactly right, but this is simply because it has not copied across correctly.
Below is a screenshot of the program being used and then a typed version of the script.
EXT. OUTSIDE A HOUSE - MIDDAY
There is a knock on the door, hurried footsteps and a door begins to open.
A salesman (MARK) is standing outside the door beaming with delight (almost scarily).
MARK
Hello, I know what you are thinking - "Oh, another salesman", but don't get close the door just yet-
The door is slammed in MARK's face, but his smile remains. He turns around and walks away from the door.
We see many scenes being played out similar to the
one above in a montage, while an instrumental version of 'Walk' by Foo
Fighters plays. Titles appear throughout the scenes.
BLACK SCREEN
MARK
No-one likes salesmen...
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAYTIME
Noddy shot of MARK.
MARK
I mean, I hate them... And I am one!
Y'see, I never wanted to be one... I just took the first job that fell into my lap. I'm not even good at it!
I haven't ever been that good at talking to people really... Especially when it comes to women.
I mean, take my last girlfriend, Carol.
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
There is a brief flashback to CAROL on her side in
bed staring into the camera. She says "repetitive and boring" at the
same time as it is said in the V.O. then Mark sits bolt upright behind
her.
V.O. (MARK)
She left me shortly after after describing me as "repetitive and boring".
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAYTIME
Back to the Noddy shot of MARK.
After a short pause...
MARK
Actually, that might not have been about the talking thing... But you see where I'm coming from.
My friends are the kind of people that a social life
comes easy to... Always out at parties, chatting up girls in bars and
all that.
They seem to have been given the gift of flirting at birth and have used it an awful lot since we finished school 4 years ago.
So much so, that they can't really help me in those situations because it just comes naturally to them.
INT. NIGHT OUT - EARLY EVENING
Mark and a few friends are having a drink together - laughing and joking about.
V.O. (MARK)
The other week, we met at a pub before going out and
they promised that I'd be coming home with a girl on my arm. Obviously
being a guy, I went along with this generally stupid statement...
And... Well...
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAYTIME
Back to the noddy shot of MARK.
MARK
That's how it all started...
After reviewing the footage that I have shot so far, the film hasn't come out quite as I had in mind and I don't think it flows as well as I had hoped. Due to this, I have had a think about the layout of the story and how the script 'flows' and have re-structured the opening. The main reason for this being the fact that in the montage of Mark's working life, I would have originally had the visual images, the titles, the music AND the monologue all playing at the same time. I felt that this would be too much for each audience member to take in at any one time.
Instead of this layout, I have decided to have the opening scene and montage sequence the same; however the monologue will not be played here. Then there will be a black screen with the film's title on it at the end of the montage. The
monologue will then start to play after the
montage and it will be performed with a noddy shot. The previously planned scenes
will then play out at certain points in the monologue without sound and coincide with the spoken monologue.
These techniques are similar to the ones that are seen in It's Kind of a Funny Story (2010) which is one of my influential films. But also, a good example of this is in Bronson (2008). I think that this technique is brilliant at establishing character early on in the film and both of these films focus heavily on the development of the main character throughout (as Salesman Blues would do if it were made into a feature length film).
These techniques are similar to the ones that are seen in It's Kind of a Funny Story (2010) which is one of my influential films. But also, a good example of this is in Bronson (2008). I think that this technique is brilliant at establishing character early on in the film and both of these films focus heavily on the development of the main character throughout (as Salesman Blues would do if it were made into a feature length film).
Due to many minor changes in ideas and camerawork, I have created a (hopefully) final version of the script.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE - MIDDAY
There is a knock on the door, hurried footsteps and a door begins to open.
A salesman (MARK) is standing outside the door beaming with delight (almost scarily).
MARK
Hello, I know what you are thinking - "Oh, another salesman", but don't get close the door just yet-
The door is slammed in MARK's face, but his smile remains.
V.O. (MARK)
No-one likes salesmen...
We see many scenes being played out similar to the one above while the voiceover is playing.
Titles appear throughout the scenes.
V.O. (MARK)
I mean, I don't even like salesmen - it's never anything good that they sell is it?
Oh! How rude of me, my name is MARK, and I'm a salesman. I know it's a little hypocritical, but
at the end of the day I don't like what I do, but I do it for the money
- like a lot of us really. It's not that bad pay, considering I'm a
high school dropout with no qualifications to my name.
For some reason, as well as being turned away at
doors, I'm also turned away by girls - they always find something wrong
with me. I mean, I haven't had a real girlfriend for a good few months
now.
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
During this piece of the V.O. there is a brief
flashback to CAROL on her side in bed staring into the camera. She says
"repetitive and boring" at the same time as it is said in the V.O.,
then Mark sits bolt upright behind her.
V.O. (MARK)
My last one, Carol, she described me a "repetitive
and boring"... Just after sex. Our relationship obviously didn't
continue for much longer after that.
INT. 'MAN CAVE' - EVENING
Mark and two or three friends are sitting on bean bags, drinking alcohol and joking around - telling stories.
V.O. (MARK)
The few friends I have aren't actually much help.
They seem to have been given the gift of flirting when they were born,
so don't actually know how to describe it to me.
Laughter dies down after a joke of sorts.
CAMERON
Mate, why is it you never talk to girls...?
MARK
I don't know... I'm just never any good at talking to
girls... The words kinda float around in my head, but never actually
form sentences...
DAN
(Laughs)
You've just got to relax mate - they aren't much
different from us. We'll go out after this one and you WILL come back
with a girl.
MARK
(Laughs)
OK...
(Finishes his drink and they begin to walk out)
V.O. (MARK)
And that's how it all started...
One of the filming locations has become unavailable to me. So instead of trying to find another location, I have changed the script slightly to accommodate for this change. Through this change, I think I have created a better scene overall. We will shoot the last few scenes very shortly and the film will hopefully be finished by the end of January 2014.
Script (2) - 30/12/13
One of the filming locations has become unavailable to me. So instead of trying to find another location, I have changed the script slightly to accommodate for this change. Through this change, I think I have created a better scene overall. We will shoot the last few scenes very shortly and the film will hopefully be finished by the end of January 2014.
EXT. OUTSIDE A HOUSE - MIDDAY
There is a knock on the door, hurried footsteps and a door begins to open.
A salesman (MARK) is standing outside the door beaming with delight (almost scarily).
MARK
Hello, I know what you are thinking - "Oh, another salesman", but don't get irritated just yet. My name is Mark.
HOMEOWNER
No.
The door is slammed in MARK's face, but his smile remains.
V.O. (MARK)
No-one likes salesmen...
We see many scenes being played out similar to the one above while the voiceover is playing.
Titles appear throughout the scenes.
V.O. (MARK)
Hell, I don't even like salesmen. They turn up on your door, disturb your daily routine and try to get you to part with your hard earned cash. Now, you agree with me right? You don't want to splash you cash on something you don't want or need do you?
Oh! How rude of me, I still haven't introduced myself. My name is Mark, Mark Jefferson and I work as a salesman. I didn't ask to be a salesman, I didn't want to be a salesman, but during my gap year before university there was a job offered to me and I took it. I liked having the extra cash, so I put uni off for another year. Now I fear I may not go at all. I've sort of lost the enthusiasm for university... But I definitely don't want to be a salesman all my life. The extremely odd thing is, as you can see, I talk to people on a daily basis. But my social skills are awful. This means I haven't had a real girlfriend for at least 18 months.
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
During this piece of the V.O. there is a brief flashback to CAROL on her side in bed staring into the camera. She says "rigid and boring" at the same time as it is said in the V.O., then Mark sits bolt upright behind her.
V.O. (MARK)
My last one, Carol, she described me a "repetitive and boring"... After sex. That relationship obviously didn't continue for much longer.
INT. 'MAN CAVE' - EVENING
Mark and two or three friends are sitting on bean bags, drinking alcohol and joking around - telling stories.
V.O. (MARK)
The few friends I have aren't actually much help. They seem to have been given the gift of flirting when they were born, so don't actually know how to describe it to me. Whenever I ask them to help out, they try, but usually end up with dates themselves, instead of me.
Laughter dies down after a joke of sorts.
CAMERON
Right now we need to get down to it, why on earth did YOU go out with that girl mate?! I mean... She was actually horrid.
MARK
I don't know... I'm just never any good at talking to girls... The words kinda float around in my head, but never actually form sentences...
DAN
(Laughs)
OK, next time we go out we WILL teach you how to get a date! So you never have to go out with... Erm... Her ever again.
MARK
(Laughs)
OK then, but don't expect anything amazing from me.
V.O. (MARK)
And that's how it all started...
Script (1) - 21/08/13
EXT. OUTSIDE A HOUSE - MIDDAY
There is a knock on the door, hurried footsteps and a door begins to open.
A salesman (MARK) is standing outside the door beaming with delight (almost scarily).
MARK
Hello, I know what you are thinking - "Oh, another salesman", but don't get irritated just yet. My name is Mark.
(holds out hand, the HOMEOWNER doesn't shake it)
Have you ever entertained for people and found yourself short on cutlery for the table.
HOMEOWNER
No.
The door is slammed in MARK's face, but his smile remains.
V.O. (MARK)
No-one likes salesmen...
We see many scenes being played out similar to the one above while the voiceover is playing.
V.O. (MARK)
Hell, I don't even like salesmen. They turn up on your door, or phone, disturb your daily routine and try to get you to part with your hard earned money. Now, you agree with me right? You don't want to splash you cash on something you don't want or need do you?
Oh! How rude of me, I still haven't introduced myself. My name is Mark, Mark Jefferson and I work as a salesman - I sell sets of cutlery. I didn't ask to be a salesman, I didn't want to be a salesman, but during my gap year before university there was a job offered to me and I took it. I liked having the extra cash, so I put uni off for another year. Now I fear I may not go at all. I've sort of lost the enthusiasm for university... But I definitely don't want to be a salesman all my life.
INT. BAR - EVENING
By this time the scene has changed to a bar and he is trying to buy a GIRL AT THE BAR a drink. After some time, she goes to walk away, he touches her arm and she slaps him - while the V.O. is playing.
V.O. (MARK)
The extremely odd thing is, although I do sell something occasionally, I have very bad people skills while I'm out and about. I haven't had a real girlfriend for at least 18 months. My last one, Carol, dumped me in the pub that we used to go to all the time. She told me I was quite "rigid and boring", and, actually, I'm still not quite sure what she meant by that, or if I have changed much since then.
During this piece of the V.O. there is a brief flashback to MARK's ex-girlfriend CAROL putting her hand on MARK's shoulder and breaking up with him - her "rigid and boring" is said at the same time as MARK says it in the V.O. She slaps him as the scene ends.
INT. 'MAN CAVE' - EVENING
Mark and two or three friends are sitting on bean bags, drinking alcohol and joking around - telling stories.
V.O. (MARK)
The few friends I have aren't actually much help. They seem to have been given the gift of flirting when they were born, so don't actually know how to describe it to me. Whenever I ask them to help out, they try, but usually end up with dates themselves, instead of me.
ADAM
Remember that teacher we had... What was his name? The foreign languages teacher.
CAMERON
Mr Smit?!
ADAM
Yeah! He was always super creepy and made really bad jokes.
DAN
And then Charlotte went out with him after the end of our last year!
MARK, ADAM, CAMERON and DAN all laugh and there is a round of "oh yeah!" "that's right!" etc.
CAMERON
Right now we need to get down to it, why on earth did YOU go out with Charlotte mate?! I mean... She was actually horrid.
MARK
I don't know... I'm just never any good at talking to girls... The words kinda float around in my head, but never actually form sentences...
DAN
(Laughs)
OK, next time we go out we WILL teach you how to get a date! So you never have to go out with... a... Charlotte ever again.
MARK
(Laughs)
OK then, but don't expect anything amazing from me.
V.O. (MARK)
And that's how it all started...
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